Category Archives: Rhode Island

In the Navy

I Want You

For the next three weeks, I will be living on a Navy base in Rhode Island. Oh yes; you heard correctly. They’re letting the dirty liberal in dirtier flip-flops stay on the coast where they “dress” for dinner and know how to eat lobster. Did I mention I’ll be living in a military establishment? Brian is at the Surface Warfare Officer’s School (which sounds terrifying and full of grizzled old men yelling, “Fire the nukes!”) for a few weeks, and I decided to tag along for a change of scenery. I can work from my little laptop by day, then tear it up New England style at night.

I’m stoked about my quasi-vacation, but honestly, I don’t know if I can behave myself for such an extended period of time. I couldn’t even swing it for an evening. Brian took me to a Navy ball in college, right before we started dating, and I tried my darndest to be a lady. I squeezed into my senior prom dress and let my roommates curl my hair and paint me up like a DG pledge. I only ground my teeth a little when some higher-up gave a speech about “fighting the war on terror” and “preserving the freedoms we hold so dear.” I was so proud of myself. And then this old man got up and started talking about our brave seamen abroad, and it was all over.

“Let us remember the seamen who are working hard to keep us safe. These seamen make personal sacrifices to patrol our waters. Let’s take a moment to pray for the seamen…”

I had to keep coughing and covering my mouth with my hand to disguise the fact that I was giggling like a little girl. No one else (besides Brian) seemed amused. Come on, people! An old, old man keeps saying “semen” over and over. Nothing? Not even a little bit? These were obviously not my people.

So I’m a little apprehensive about spending three whole weeks trying to hold my tongue and not shame my boyfriend. I’ve already established that, yes, he will be a little embarrassed if I randomly salute people on base. But what if I just call everyone “Cap’n” or ask strangers in uniform for an a capella rendition of “In the Navy”? Sometimes the spirit just moves me. I’ll do my best to be good, but I’m not making any promises…